Queen of the World...

So its' Tuesday, well Tuesday's almost over. Been awhile since this has had an update. Feeling odd.

Listening to a mix tape my boyfriend made me for Valentines Day, our first Valentines Day. It's beautiful and I love it. I love listening to it when he can't be next to me at night. It's made of songs that remind him of me. But, as it turns out, now every song reminds me of him. 

However, back to my point. 

There is a song on the CD called, Queen of the World by Eda Maria. My Boyfriend Rob put this on because of the lyrics. He can see me dancing around my room to it to actually. But the title Queen of the world. Thats a pretty damn big pedistal to be put on. He basically is saying that I am the Queen of HIS World. Shit. Now thats some pressure. But even though he sees me as this perfection, I still feel like I can improve, and improve I will. 

This pedistal makes me want to push myself. Makes me want to strive. Make me want to reach my goal of being perfect, not just in his eyes, but in my own as well!

I love him, I love him so much. All this is, all that I am, all that I strive to be, is not only for myself and my own needs and wants and whatever. It is also to give him perfection. Give him somehting to be proud of. I want to make him smile all the time. 

I want to be perfect. I want to carry on being the Queen of his World. As cheesey as that sounds.

Oh, FYI, I'm never drinking again. Let hope I'll lose some weight at Reading Festival this weekend!!!!

Let us dance off those pounds, so we can all be the Queen of someones world!

Time is Neigh

I made it, I actually made it.
Today is my last day of work, so next month I can start University.
I am on a Liquid Diet this weekend, which is going well so far. But seeing as I have finished work, that means I don't have to sit on my arse all day infront of a computer, fidgeting as much as i can to burn those calories. It means that I can spend the next month doing things, like cycling, swimming, running and just going on those really long walks. It also means that I can properly and closely control what I eat. Means I wont get home tired every night FORCING myself to exersise.
It means FREEDOM, WEIGHTLOSS and finally LOTS AND LOTS OF CONTROL!

Punk in Drublic

Yeh, I got drunk, but it could have been worse!
Was worried last night because I was out on my work leaving do. I thought i'd eat AND drink too much. Turns out I just drunk too much. So thats ok, not GREAT, but ok. Decided however, because of this alcohol binge, that for the next 4 days I am fasting. Much to the disappoval of my Boyfriend, who thinks i'm perfect just the way I am...blah blah blah!

Anyways, lets try and lose them Lbs!

Toady should be cool anyway, its my penultimate day of work. Everyone is suffering a hangover so i'm not on my own. I get to do cashbook for the last ever ever time. Going to go home after work and chill, finish off making my Boyfriend's birthday presents too!

She's lost control again......

So, started writing this at 9.30 in the morning, probably a little too early to know what the day is yet to bring. However, I have something on my mind.
I know many people with ED feel this all the time, hell maybe people without ED, I know i'm nothing special and this is nothing new. But I need a space to get rid of some angst.
I feel like today, much like any other day, that i'm not in control. Usualy I control what I consume during the day. Usualy a small breakfast of just a coffee, and a lunch of some Miso soup. I drink alot of herbal tea all the time too. But today i get to do that... which is fair enough.... but then I am going out with my work tonight. It's my last day at work this Friday, which, if you read my previous blogs you will know, so they are taking me out tonight for dinner and drinks. Which in turn me I have little or no control of what i'm doing tonight. I even want to fake an illness so I don't have to go. But my best friend that i work with is relying on me.
This really isn't fun, because everything is paid for, which means that I will probably drink too much, regret everything in the morning. I really, really don't want to purge.
I'm in a rut I can't escape.

Tomorrow and Friday i'm fasting.

There has to be another way.

On a brighter note, 3 more days of work!!! Then i get to bum around for 2 weeks, being in control, being able to run, jump, skip and play, instead of being sat on my bum all day!!

Then to University, I can't wait!
x

Sheer Madness

I know this is greedy, 2 posts, 1 day. But just a quick thing.....

Can people fuck off with getting me to eat something. Really had enough, this time its my lovely beautiful, skinny boyfriend. He's worried about my eating. He told me off as the average 'healthy' woman should consume around 2000 calories a day. He told me off for eating less than 500.
2000 is a disgusting amount, i can't physically eat that much.

Help
x

Just a Day

My first blog/diary entry/whatever.
Going to have some fun thinking about titles for each entry. Might do a song to sum up my day or the way i'm feeling or something. I dont care that it sounds corny.
So anyway, Just a Day, it is just a day, nothing is different to me anymore. I wake up, sometimes in my own bed, sometimes with my Boyfriend. I shower. Then avoid eating something by walking around my house with a cup of herbal tea till its time to leave for work. I then sit at a desk all day trying to look like i'm working. I have lunch, which consists of walking for an hour, fighting cravings, and chewing gum. I get back to my office where i will sit down and have something for lunch, either a black coffee, more herbal tea, or Miso soup.
I then carry on looking like i'm working till 6. I then walk home, to discover my moms cooking which she sits down and makes me eat. I then escape my house and find something that will burn some calories.

Just to wake up the next day and repeat.....


This Friday is my last day at work. I can't wait to leave and start University.

Help me stop the cravings.

Anyway, thats just a little about me. Here's to a more positive post next time.