So, started writing this at 9.30 in the morning, probably a little too early to know what the day is yet to bring. However, I have something on my mind.
I know many people with ED feel this all the time, hell maybe people without ED, I know i'm nothing special and this is nothing new. But I need a space to get rid of some angst.
I feel like today, much like any other day, that i'm not in control. Usualy I control what I consume during the day. Usualy a small breakfast of just a coffee, and a lunch of some Miso soup. I drink alot of herbal tea all the time too. But today i get to do that... which is fair enough.... but then I am going out with my work tonight. It's my last day at work this Friday, which, if you read my previous blogs you will know, so they are taking me out tonight for dinner and drinks. Which in turn me I have little or no control of what i'm doing tonight. I even want to fake an illness so I don't have to go. But my best friend that i work with is relying on me.
This really isn't fun, because everything is paid for, which means that I will probably drink too much, regret everything in the morning. I really, really don't want to purge.
I'm in a rut I can't escape.
Tomorrow and Friday i'm fasting.
There has to be another way.
On a brighter note, 3 more days of work!!! Then i get to bum around for 2 weeks, being in control, being able to run, jump, skip and play, instead of being sat on my bum all day!!
Then to University, I can't wait!
x
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